Top 10 (+1) Worst Things About Quitting Smoking

11. When I smell bad I have nothing to blame.

10. Feeling out of breath all the time obviously the result of being fat.

9. Will have to suffer significantly longer from being alive.

8. No longer able to wreak world’s slowest revenge through second hand smoke.

7. Persistent cough now far more troubling.

6. Overwhelming need to continue obsessive sucking behaviour has led to surprising lifestyle change.

5. Have to find new ways to demonstrate true feelings to abused stepson and battered wife.

4. Saying nothing in group conversations no longer seems cool and aloof (just uninspired and uninteresting).

3. Becoming painfully obvious that ready supply of cigarettes was the basis of almost all my ‘friendships’.

2. Really puts a lot of pressure for stress relief on heroin addiction.

1. Does nothing to alleviate pre-existing cancers.